Today has been one of those days when you go to bed early so you can write it off and start again in the morning. I was tired anyway due to fussing babies, a late night and a sleepwalking husband. The morning was wasted on doctors and health visitors (altho I’m super glad the twins are putting on lots of weight). But this afternoon and evening has made me so angry it’s left me feeling deflated.
You never think your child will hate you enough to run away. I remember when I was little, even if I was angry at being told off and didn’t think it was fair, or wen my parents wouldn’t let me travel the country to see a boyfriend at a young age. Or when I was grounded or any similar silly thing. I never thought about running away, or hurting anyone or throwing or breaking anything. I guess I overthought the consequences beforehand and decided it wasnt worth it. But also it was because I loved my parents too much. But today it happened to me.
My beautiful loving wellbehaved and angelic-until-primary-school daughter ran away. Or should that say scooted? Granted she didn’t go far and we are talking a timescale of less than five minutes, but its still terrifying.
I took her to the park on her scooter after school and she made no fuss at all when it was time to leave. I held the gate open for her, praised her for leaving the park nicely like a big girl, she got on her scooter and off she went. I shouted her to slow down, but she didn’t. I shouted again louder, and again louder. I dropped to a more serious tone and shortened the command to “Bunny STOP”. But she didn’t. I was running (as best I could post surgery with tummy pains) and screaming at the top of my lungs but she left the park and just like that was out of site. By time I got to the edge of the park she was only yards from home and she finally stopped stopped. The realisation of “uh oh I’m in trouble” crossed her face as I got nearer, and the stereotypical protruding bottom lip of a sulky child made its appearance.
Not only was it terrifying and heartbreaking that she could do that to me but when she got home she asked her daddy if they could all move out and leave me behind because I shouted at her. She then ignored every word I said for the rest of the night.
I think its only silent anger that stopped me from crying, but I welled up a few times. I even considered packing up the twins things and running away myself, leaving Bunny and hubby to fend for themselves for a few days. But then I figured its probably the fact I keep going into hospital that’s making Bunny act up. I think she’s pushing me away so she doesn’t miss me so much. But I’m done with hospitals now.
Anyway, I’m now in bed with the twins watching The Notebook and hoping today was a one off and that my little princess will be her normal loving self again tomorrow.
I guess this will be double the trouble when the twins are her age!