TeethThese little things are going to ruin me!

The tooth fairy has just embarked on its mission to destroy my wallet.

Our eldest has started losing teeth and some wise guy at her school told her that he gets £10 for every tooth he loses. Yeah right! Although, knowing the parents, they probably do leave a crisp £10 note under his pillow each time. Probably ironed. Possibly even gold-plated. I’m not bitter, I swear!

I conducted a quick ask-around of the parents at school last week to see how much they were leaving on behalf of the dreaded tooth fairy. £5 seemed about the average. A worrying amount of them were leaving more. A less than reassuring number were leaving a lower figure.

I got 50p for each tooth I lost. It was quite some time ago, I know, but still, has inflation really shot up tenfold since the 80s? Twentyfold in the case of Mr and Mrs Jones – who I simply refuse to keep up with. Even then, does inflation actually impact mythical beings such as the tooth fairy? Surely that’s limited to the real world. Next people will be telling me there’s a levy on dreams. Or a tax on the written word. I’m dismayed.

Maybe I’m just turning into a grumpy old man.


“These kids, they don’t know the meaning of hardship.”

I ordered a canvas print a couple of weeks ago. One of those where you send the image via email and they print it onto canvas for you. It was on Groupon or Wowcher or one of the vouchers websites, I forget. But I wish I’d delayed it a few weeks now. That way, with a huge picture of my toothless infant on the wall, it could serve as a permanent reminder of where society started to go wrong. It wouldn’t be so bad if my youngest hadn’t come downstairs yesterday morning to inform us that she had a wobbly tooth too. She’s 18 months younger than our eldest so I wasn’t expecting that. Although, having said that, our eldest is probably the last in her class to start losing tooth pegs.

So now the tooth fairy has launched what can only be described as a coup d’état on my bank balance and it’s not going to call a ceasefire until my two are all gums.

Children have around 20 teeth. So that’s 40 teeth between them. By the time they’ve finished, this imaginary creature would have cost me £200! Thanks, tooth fairy. Not that you exist to accept my sarcastic gratitude.

I get it. Monetary compensation for trauma is big business. Just ask the founder of any whiplash law firm. They’ll usually get you a decent payoff. But when did the tooth fairy start representing children? Let alone convincing them that their teeth are worth anything up to £10!

“Hello, is the Miss Davies, age 7, currently residing in Norwich?”
“Yes, who’s speaking?”
“This is Dawn from the Magic Teeth Corporation. Are you aware that you can claim anything up to £10 for each tooth you lose?”
“No I wasn’t, please continue.”
“Well, we successfully arranged a £10 payout for another boy in your class, whose parents were threatening to only pay him £5 for his tooth.”
“Who, Tommy?”
“Indeed, we sent our representatives to see his parents and managed to secure a four figure sum for each tooth trauma. Would you like me to pass you on to Marvin, our in-house claims handler?”
“Hell yeah!”

Or something like that.

Call Centre       “This is Dawn calling from the Magic Teeth Corporation”

I’ve settled on £5 for each tooth. I didn’t want to. I wanted to give them a pound for each one they lost. But at the same time, I didn’t want them to feel left out as all of their friends are getting at least a fiver.

What a farce. What a humbug, perhaps. Either way, modern day recompense for a measly tooth is out of control and in danger of becoming an industry within itself. What happened to the days when kids were ecstatic at the sight of a fifty pence piece? Why are parents dismissing the virtues of the good old fashioned 50p? What are the kids going to buy anyway – chocolate and sweets? Yeah sure, let’s collaborate in helping their teeth fall out faster. God I feel miserable.

Just as a nationwide indication as to whether I’m being a skinflint, what are you paying or what did you pay your kids for their teeth?

If I could sell them for ivory it wouldn’t be so bad.


Disclaimer: This is a sponsored guest post – not written or endorsed by crazy with twins. Photos are from a creative commons website.

  1. Rachael Jess says:

    I was going to put £2 coin and some glitter under Max’s pillow when he starts losing his teeth…that he hasn’t finished growing yet!

    Probably be £50 by then!

    • Emma Day says:

      Haha I put £2 under Bunny’s pillow for each of her teeth. I’m not competitive so I think that is more than enough! I think £5 or £10 is a bit extreme!

      Just remember – if you go for glitter… you have to clean it up afterwards! (if they don’t inhale it!)

  2. Sarah Lambert says:

    I only put £2 under my daughters pillow and even that I’m told from parents at school is a bit OTT? I will put a fiver under when its her last baby tooth as its extra special but i think £10 a tooth is a bit extreme if you ask me, plus i think kids/siblings then come to expect the same treatment as well #JustMyOpinion

  3. Emma @ outmumbered says:

    £10?? Crap! I always got a £1 for each tooth and I’ll do the same for my boys. My £1 was always the shiny type… you know the NEW £s that come out? My mum sought them out especially. I’ll be doing the same 🙂

  4. Sarah MumofThree World says:

    The tooth fairy leaves £1. Always. In our house and every house I know. Between them, my kids have lost 31 teeth (29 still to go) and it has been £1 every time and there have never been any complaints from the kids!
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted..HangryMy Profile

  5. RB says:

    These are the perils of living just within the catchment area of the most pompous school in Norwich! It’s going to ruin me I tells ya!

    Thanks for all your responses ladies! It’s certainly made me feel less of a skinflint!

  6. iyas says:

    I’m with Sarah. As a dad of 4 kids, it has always been, and will always be £1. Tooth fairies are small. Any more than this won’t fit into their tutus. Interestingly, nor will the 50p coin as it is also larger. Two tooth fairies once worked independently of each other, not realising the other had been, and one of our boys once ended up with £2. Fortunately on a later occasion, another lack of co-ordination between the tooth fairies meant each had assumed the other had left its £1, and the same boy ended up with none. Can’t predict what those fairies are up to. And none of the children have ever complained about stingy tooth fairies.
    iyas recently posted..Bomb your ArtworkMy Profile

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