A year ago today…
A year ago today, I was in hospital being induced with the twins.
By the time of writing this, I had had my waters broken with a knitting needle, I was hooked up to an Oxytocin drip and according to the belly monitors, I was having contractions… but I couldn’t feel a thing.
I had written a letter to my unborn twins and I had kissed Bunny goodbye, as she left for school that morning – telling her I’d do my best to give birth to her sisters that day! (Which didn’t happen) I was 36 weeks pregnant, but I had been poorly since 32 weeks.
Unbeknownst to us, 32 weeks was when the twins stopped growing, due to me having undiagnosed HELLP Syndrome; which was masked by Pre-Eclampsia. In truth my kidneys and liver were failing and nobody knew. My body was poisoning itself and shutting down. I had no idea of the hell I was facing.
Induction was not smooth sailing. I was not allowed to get off the bed or have the active birth I had wanted. When the induced contractions kicked in, it went downhill from there. 3 failed canulas, 3 failed epidurals, not allowed to move. Told to stop using the epidural half an hour before pushing, unable to push them down the birth canal. The roughest doctor in the history of mankind performing a double forceps delivery – the babies 35 minutes apart, followed by so much agony from my failing liver, my constant vomitting and haemorrhaging, that I couldn’t hold my own babies.
A day later, I was seriously ill, receiving intensive care in the high dependency unit (they couldn’t move me to intensive care, as it meant seperation from the twins and potential damage to my mental health).
But hey – the baby part wasn’t until the 14th – I had a 16 hour labour first!
Anyway, enough with the gore. You can read my birth story if you want more gore.
This time last year, I still looked like this…
I was excited about my incredible future as a mummy to twins, as well as Bunny. I was excited about not feeling ill anymore (who knew I had Cancer all along?!)
My twins and I are very lucky to be alive. HELLP Syndrome kills 1 in 4 mothers who have it, and a lot of babies.
I am blessed with three amazing daughters. Bunny turned six, just nine days ago. The twins will be a whole year old tomorrow. I am so very proud of all of them. I am honoured to be their mummy.
Being pregnant with them feels like a lifetime ago, yet at the same time, how have they grown so fast?