As I battle through the last two days of my Low-Iodine diet, I have lost myself.

I have lost myself to a full-blown food insanity.

I found myself sobbing yesterday, as I prepared my daughter some buttery toast for breakfast.

If somebody walked in front of me, right now, with a bacon and egg sandwich, I am pretty sure I would sink my teeth into their hand. (I’m not allowed the bread, or the butter, or the bacon, or the egg!)

I am finding SO MANY FOODS, hard to live without and I am literally PINING for dairy.

There are moments of weakness where I don’t think I have the willpower to continue. Moments where I think I will just tear up the kitchen and eat every piece of food I’m not allowed. A bulimic style uncontrollable binge.

But then the last 12 days are wasted and I can’t have my radiotherapy. So I stand in the kitchen and sob instead.

What’s the point in eating at all?

I’m constantly craving salt. I have never added salt to food, but I had no idea how much salt we all have in our diets. I rarely eat fast food or junk food, but… oh…What I would do right now, for a KFC or a packet of crisps!

Food is dominating my every waking thought and I feel like I’m constantly starving. No food I am allowed is satisfying me.

I just know you are sitting there reading this, thinking,
“It’s only food”,
or
“It’s only 2 weeks”

But, I can’t begin to describe how this feels.

I am having withdrawal symptoms from salt. My tongue is dry. I can’t sweat. I have a constant thirst and a constant hunger. I am irritable, short tempered, angry.

I have no desire to go near fruit or veg of any kind.

I have no desire for any kind of sweet food or chocolate or cake.

The banning of the foods I like, are affecting me more than my lack of energy, my weakness or my aching limbs.

I am thoroughly miserable.

Is this the depression part of a Hypo?

NO… I just want some real food!

Before one of you clever sods comes on here ranting that there are plenty of dairy alternatives… I’m not allowed to eat any of those either!

So there’s only one thing I can do… Make a list…

Top Ten Foods I want the Most

1. A hot bacon and egg sandwich, with thick fluffy bread and lots of butter!

2. A three-piece chicken meal from KFC with chips, salt and a Krushem shake!

3. A whole baked camembert with thickly buttered baguette.

4. Cheesy Tuna Pasta Bake, with cheese and crushed salted crisps on top!

5. Lincolnshire sausages, buttery mash and tons of gravy!

6. Frugal fried rice, with bacon fried sprouts, lots of egg and lots of soy sauce.

7. Brie, cranberry Wensleydale, cheddar, smoked salmon, prawns and crackers!

8. A nice creamy lasagna with extra cheese

9. A deep filled calzone, with goats cheese. I don’t care what else is in it – there MUST be goats cheese! Or perhaps a nice puff pastry with goats cheese and red onion marmalade!

10. A good fish pie with lots of cheesy white sauce!

Comments on this post welcome… but don’t try to be smart. I bite!

  1. Sarah MumofThree World says:

    It sounds like torture! Although I have an inkling of what you’re going through with the food. I excluded a lot of foods to try to get control of my IBS – wheat, dairy, sugar, most types of oil… I lived on rice and vegetables for eight weeks, I couldn’t even have peanut butter! Six years on, my consumption of wheat and dairy is still low – I don’t eat bread. I never eat crisps or chips because of the oil. I do have soya yogurts and I’m right back on the sugar (especially the chocolate!). Good luck for the next few days. X
    Sarah MumofThree World recently posted..Pizza and chipsMy Profile

    • Emma Day says:

      I can’t have peanut butter either. Or rice. Or Soya.
      I can’t even have chocolate because it contains milk. It’s strictly no dairy at all! I looked in the “free from” aisles in the supermarket… Tons of stuff for gluten free, a few things for egg free or dairy free… Not a single thing for a salt free diet!

    • Emma Day says:

      Ah I’ve been using that all along. I blogged about it a while ago. A lot of the recipes are either not quite right (contain banned foods) or are too complicated to make while weak from being in a hypo. Also a lot of ingredients unavailable as it’s American x

  2. Suzanne says:

    Am I allowed to laugh at this just a little bit?! I do find your ‘take’ on it funny but it must be absolute torture 🙁 Who knew that our body craves salt THAT much?! I don’t have any advice at all because I would be feeling exactly the same – the moment we can’t have something, we want it more than anything else in the world! Just think, when it’s all over, you can have an enormous feast and gorge yourself silly on all of those foods you’ve been longing. Good luck this week, will be thinking of you x x
    Suzanne recently posted..One Tree House, a Bottle of Fizz and a Magic Moment!My Profile

  3. juliet says:

    you made my laugh and cry….btw I am at work too, so not cool
    brilliant writing, fantastic sense of humour, my kind of superwoman.
    good luck this week

  4. Juliet Jones says:

    Hello Emma, I have only just come across your blog so I have only read a few of your posts but I had radioactive iodine treatment in 2010 following a total thyroidectemy and a neck dissection. My son was two and I was in isolation for 3 days and planned to stay away for up to 21 days afterwards. On the advice of a friend who had the same treatment I took in 12 litres of water and drank the lot! It flushed the radiation through my system so well that I was safe to be around my son after 10 days. I treated the time in isolation like a crazy sort of ‘me time!’ I did face masks, painted my nails, watched DVDs on an old player that we did not need back, did jigsaws and read books and magazines. Every item that I owned was checked before I left and only a few items were not safe to take home – towels, track suit bottoms and other clothing I seem to remember and I got these back after a few months. I took a pay as you go phone in and I had access to the Internet and tv in the room. As my son was only two we taught him to talk on the phone and he was fine. Good luck Emma – you will feel so much better as soon as you restart your thyroxine and it will all be worth it. One last tip – take chewing gum in to keep your salivary glands working – mine suffered for quite a while afterwards. Juliet x

    • Emma Day says:

      Thankyou so much for commenting. I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. I too have been told that the more I can drink, and the more showers I can take, the quicker I will flush the radiation out. I am really hoping not to be the worst case scenario, but they have told me to work with that, so that any sooner is a bonus! I love the idea of taking in a facepack and maybe an old nail varnish. Something I hadn’t thought of. I’ve got chewing gum and boiled sweets to take in to help my salivary glands and I’m hoping my old phone will work – but I guess I wont know until I get in there. Yes I definitely think that getting back on the thyroxine and being able to eat what I like will make me feel tons better. Thankyou again for commenting. It’s nice to hear from someone who has been there. xx

  5. Siobhan C says:

    The thought of even barely dropping crumbs of ‘oh, it can’t be that bad’ comments appalls me. That is SOOOO tough. I’ve only ever tried fasting for a day at a time and once tried cutting out carbs, sugar and salt for 2 weeks once but that was before I had kids who i had to constantly feed. You are being denied not just things you want but also need, so its bound to be hard – and having to be a carer at the same time must be additionally tough. So, sorry, no helpful tips from me as I’m simply in no position to give them. Just a simple hang in there, keep focussed on the end result and maybe take up drumming to let it all out….thinking of you…
    Siobhan C recently posted..My Week in HeadlinesMy Profile

  6. Kirsti says:

    THANK YOU for sharing this. I too have thyroid cancer and I’m just starting my second round of iodine free diet and dreading it because this is exactly how I felt the first time around. It is nice to have validation. Thanks for helping me know I am not alone and not crazy!

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