Food Insanity – A new kind of eating disorder?

May 20, 2013 in Cancer, Charity / Awareness, Food, Health, Medical, Uncategorized by Emma Day

As I battle through the last two days of my Low-Iodine diet, I have lost myself.

I have lost myself to a full-blown food insanity.

I found myself sobbing yesterday, as I prepared my daughter some buttery toast for breakfast.

If somebody walked in front of me, right now, with a bacon and egg sandwich, I am pretty sure I would sink my teeth into their hand. (I’m not allowed the bread, or the butter, or the bacon, or the egg!)

I am finding SO MANY FOODS, hard to live without and I am literally PINING for dairy.

There are moments of weakness where I don’t think I have the willpower to continue. Moments where I think I will just tear up the kitchen and eat every piece of food I’m not allowed. A bulimic style uncontrollable binge.

But then the last 12 days are wasted and I can’t have my radiotherapy. So I stand in the kitchen and sob instead.

What’s the point in eating at all?

I’m constantly craving salt. I have never added salt to food, but I had no idea how much salt we all have in our diets. I rarely eat fast food or junk food, but… oh…What I would do right now, for a KFC or a packet of crisps!

Food is dominating my every waking thought and I feel like I’m constantly starving. No food I am allowed is satisfying me.

I just know you are sitting there reading this, thinking,
“It’s only food”,
or
“It’s only 2 weeks”

But, I can’t begin to describe how this feels.

I am having withdrawal symptoms from salt. My tongue is dry. I can’t sweat. I have a constant thirst and a constant hunger. I am irritable, short tempered, angry.

I have no desire to go near fruit or veg of any kind.

I have no desire for any kind of sweet food or chocolate or cake.

The banning of the foods I like, are affecting me more than my lack of energy, my weakness or my aching limbs.

I am thoroughly miserable.

Is this the depression part of a Hypo?

NO… I just want some real food!

Before one of you clever sods comes on here ranting that there are plenty of dairy alternatives… I’m not allowed to eat any of those either!

So there’s only one thing I can do… Make a list…

Top Ten Foods I want the Most

1. A hot bacon and egg sandwich, with thick fluffy bread and lots of butter!

2. A three-piece chicken meal from KFC with chips, salt and a Krushem shake!

3. A whole baked camembert with thickly buttered baguette.

4. Cheesy Tuna Pasta Bake, with cheese and crushed salted crisps on top!

5. Lincolnshire sausages, buttery mash and tons of gravy!

6. Frugal fried rice, with bacon fried sprouts, lots of egg and lots of soy sauce.

7. Brie, cranberry Wensleydale, cheddar, smoked salmon, prawns and crackers!

8. A nice creamy lasagna with extra cheese

9. A deep filled calzone, with goats cheese. I don’t care what else is in it – there MUST be goats cheese! Or perhaps a nice puff pastry with goats cheese and red onion marmalade!

10. A good fish pie with lots of cheesy white sauce!

Comments on this post welcome… but don’t try to be smart. I bite!