I’ve been really struggling with being away from my girls and my Jonny. I’ve made no secret of it. There have been many tears, from me and from the twins, when they see me and realise I’m not coming any closer.
It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It has ripped me apart.
All along we have worked with worst case scenarios on dates, so as not to raise and then dash our hopes.
I was thrilled when my radiation dropped so fast I got granted that 2 day early discharge from hospital. I had no idea how much harder it would be once I got home. But the early discharge brought my dates forward a whole week, for when I could cuddle my family. Again provisional dates, based on worst case scenarios.
So when my radiographer called me, offering me an early scan, I said yes. We had a chat and I had a sob down the phone to her. She said no promises, but if I’d managed to shed a lot more radiation, we might be able to bring these dates forward some more. I had a faint hope that I may have even dropped low enough to hug my Jonny, but I didn’t tell anyone that. I didn’t want the embarrassment if I was wrong.
So I dragged myself off for yet another shower, shaved my legs, cut all my nails, double shampooed my hair, etc. And drove myself to the hospital with my yellow card.
Both of the radiographers who looked after me in isolation were there. (Both really lovely). So one scanned me, while the other did the calculations (there’s a LOT of complicated math involved). The Geiger counter wasn’t clicking very much. We all noticed it’s near silence.
I was standing there hoping.
But I was not at all prepared for what happened next.
“Go home and hug your babies”, they said.
Thinking I’d misheard, I got them to repeat themselves. Then explain my readings. Then prove it in black and white.
Then provide tissues as I started crying again.
I couldnt believe it.
Somehow I had got rid of the radiation so fast, that I really could go home to my family and hug them. All of them!
Over the moon, doesn’t quite cut it!
Whilst I still need to get my strength back, wait for my Thyroxine to kick in before I will start feeling better. Whilst I am still radioactive, I am no longer going to cause harm to others. Whilst I still have to go through all this again in 6months, for now, I can get my life back!
So hug my babies, I did.
And kiss my Jonny, I did.
And now, I am travelling down to Dorset to get Bunny back from Granny and give her the biggest hug she’s ever had.