I found a quote today, author unknown, that says exactly what I feel at the moment.
Life is full of choices, but sometimes, things are bigger than us; they are out of our control.
People often tell me I'm brave, but I'm not.
If you are unfortunate enough to get Cancer, it's not a choice. Being brave isn't a choice. You just get on with it. If you aren't strong, then the only alternative really is to lay down and die. That's not a choice. Cancer is not a choice. Losing your job, for no reason, having done nothing wrong, is not a choice.
We cannot control whether or not we are able to conceive, if our children are born healthy or what happens to our own health, the list of things beyond human control goes on. From studying Psychology A-level I learnt that most human behaviours boil down to the levels of control, that people have over aspects of their life.
My amazing mum is having surgery today. She's having a lump, similar to mine, removed from her thyroid. She will have the same wait as I had, back in January, to find out if it's benign or malignant. It is suspected to be the exact same Cancer as I have. She is probably in theatre having it removed, as I write this. She is constantly in my thoughts today. I have absolutely no control over how her surgery goes, or the outcome of her results, but I need to be strong and supportive, to help her through it.
Likewise, my dad and I are also awaiting Cancer results - whether or not both of our radiotherapy treatments have worked. We should find out just before Christmas. So for those religious readers of mine, who kindly like to pray for my health, please send a little prayer to my mum and dad too. And thank you for your support.
So when we have the opportunity to be in control of lives, it's so very important to stay strong. It's not about bravery, it's about survival.
People who are close to me on twitter, may well know, that I have found strength a difficulty over the last few weeks, but I am working on it.
"I cannot stress enough how important is it to be independent and strong. So many things are out of your control, and always will be." - author unknown
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