Dear Troll.

I’d like to thank you, for being an avid reader of my blog and helping to raise my viewing stats on a daily basis.

I’d also like to thank you for the time and effort it takes you, to write your bitter, resentful and quite frankly clueless comments on every post I publish. They give me something silly to giggle about with my friends every week.

I don’t wish to sound condescending, but as you openly offer me so much advice on blogging and parenting, I thought you might appreciate some advice too.

I think perhaps you could be a little more creative with the anonymous names and email addresses you use. I’m afraid they aren’t likely to win you any stalker awards for originality. And perhaps you might like to log in with a different IP address occasionally? Just for a change. But seeing as you didn’t… I now have a pretty good idea of who you are, based on your location. I must say… I’m quite surprised!

You may also like to work on your grammar, particularly on the days where you choose to critique mine. Just so I might take you a little more seriously… But no… Wait… Why would I do that?

For the record, I’m a writer, not an editor, so the occasional grammar mistake, really is no biggie. 

Perhaps, as you have so much opinion to share with the world, you might be better off putting your name to it. That way, your friends can congratulate you on all those pearls of wisdom you come up with, each and every time I publish a post.

You must be a better person than I, because you devote so much time to reading and commenting on my blog, yet I only spend 3 seconds hitting the delete button each day.

It’s quite flattering to have a troll, especially one so passionate about my writing as you. Your enthusiasm astounds me.

It must be wonderful having so much spare time too. I personally am too busy being a fantastic mum to my amazing children and a good wife to my loving husband, to find the time to judge and critique other people so intently, the way that you do.

I hope you won’t be too disappointed, that I don’t take any of your parenting advice on board. It’s just because it seems to reek a little too much, of bullshit. And also because, my children are incredibly happy, well-rounded and intelligent individuals and we have managed to bring them up without your help thus far.

I’m concerned also that you may be slightly lacking in the humour department, as you never seem to understand my jokes. There are people out there who can help you with your jealousy and your anger too. I’d recommend you Google the relevant helplines. 

I just want to give you a great big squidgy hug and tell you everything is going to be okay!

Thanks again for reading. You really are my number one fan. 

Yours truly,


  1. Jason White says:

    I must say this is absolutely brilliant its such a shame the minority of people have to try to spoil things!

    Karma is a wonderful thing!

  2. youngonesfive says:

    brilliant and such courage to speak up. I’ve experienced cyber bullying in the last 4months and it’s very unpleasant. take care and stay safe xXx

  3. Nicola says:

    From one twin mummy to another……I think your letter was fabulous! I find it so sad that there are people out there ‘trolling’ the internet just looking to make someone else as unhappy as they are. Like you said it takes them time to read your posts and comment, it takes you seconds to delete it! x

  4. Kristy Brown says:

    Got say that reading this has made me chuckle! Not the fact that you have a troll, that is horrid, but the fact that you have put it so eloquently…a big 2 fingers to the troll!!
    Hope they read your post and then do one for you hun x

  5. Sarah says:

    Very well said. On all points.

    Trolls are nasty, cowardly individuals. I’d rather a pin-you-up-against-the-fence-bully, at least they are honest.

    You know you can edit comments…just make them say what you want πŸ˜‰

  6. Downs Side Up says:

    Well done, well said and well put down. I get these comments, admittedly not consistently from one person, but from they will accasionally jump out from the page cosily nestled amongst the comments of thanks and support. What I always remember is that the trolls need our sympathy, they are weak and insecure. And they only come out of the shadws when a bright light shines upon them.
    Much love
    H x
    Downs Side Up recently posted..A Thought for the Many Types of Mummy on Mother’s Day?My Profile

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