A lot of things have happened lately. Bad things. Life-changing things. Some of those things I’ve shared privately on Facebook. One of those things I will share on here. But there are some things which I can’t share, not even here on my blog. Not even with my best friend, because he went AWOL on me a few months ago. That’s possibly the thing that upsets me the most, out of everything. Missing my best friend.

But despite everything, I am trying to keep my head above water. I recently came out the other side of a dark depression which began last September and I’m so happy that I feel like myself again. Confident and ready to take on the world. I want to go back to being that strong, happy woman that some people considered inspiring a year ago.

It’s difficult when life slaps you round the face as often as it does for my little family. I like to think I’m a good, honest, kind person and I’m trying to be more so. Some lessons I recently learnt about empathy, resisting arguments and being less judgemental have changed the way I think about everything. So has the Embrace Happy ethos of coming up with three good things about every day, especially the bad days. These things have made me a better, stronger and more positive person, because I see everything differently now. And I’m happier as a result.

I’m coping with all the nightmares we are going through as a family right now. I’m coping and I’m taking one day at a time, I’m trying to stay positive and appreciate the beauty in as many things as I can.

So now I’m ready to share one of those nightmares with you.

My friends and my regular readers will know, I’ve had Cancer twice and I also had some pre-cancerous cells removed last year too. Now… I’m awaiting test results on a lump. I’m not going to go into much detail, because I doubt the people who’ve met me in the flesh want to spend too long thinking about my breasts. (Or maybe you do… Whatever floats your boat!)

That’s where the lump is. I have all the symptoms too. I don’t need to give any more explanation than that. My doctor had a feel. She did the doctor thing of “it might not be anything to worry about BUT…”, Which in my experience just means she doesn’t want to be honest in case I break down in front of her. She’s referred me to the breast clinic.

My appointment is today.

This comes only a few weeks after I watched “The C-word” on tv. I shouldn’t have watched it. It’s put a lot of fear into me. Yet at the same time, when you’ve had two different cancers in the past, there’s nothing worse than hearing blase comments from friends of “it’s probably nothing”. If the doctor doesn’t know yet, they sure don’t. I’d rather prepare to take on the worst and be elated if it’s not, than go in unprepared thinking it’s nothing.

There you have it… One of the many things I’m going through right now.

How will I cope?
By trying to stay positive.

By remembering these things…

One day at a time.
Stay positive.
Have hope in your heart.
Find three good things in every day.
Be strong.
There is always somebody worse off than you.
Life is beautiful.
Being a mum is EVERYTHING.

 

 

*****UPDATE*****

One weight off…

The lump turned out to be a harmless cyst, but I was told I was right to go in and be checked and it is always better to be safe than sorry.

Now I can get on with dealing with the rest of our issues, one day at a time.

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support!

  1. Julie says:

    From one lumpy lady to another – I will be thinking of you today. Just be aware you may not get an answer today either if they have to do a biopsy. Just more horrible waiting time. Is pointless for me to say “try not to worry”. I guess work out if you would prefer to try and ignore it and just worry when you need to (ie when you know) or “try on” the emotional load of diagnosis and implications so you are a little more prepared when you need to be. I did a bit of both but kept the latter to a timed amount and then forced myself to do something different before I gave that thought process too much energy. Big hugs xx

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