A lot has happened in the last few months, to put it mildly. A lot of very difficult and life changing things. And anyone who reads this blog regularly, will have noticed I’ve gone from posting four times a week, to complete radio silence.

The biggest and most dramatic change, is that my husband and I separated a few months ago, after four years of marriage. Out of respect for him, I will not go into the reasons behind our separation, but I want people to know it wasn’t a decision we took lightly. It’s the hardest thing either of us have had to do, but it’s for the best. Mutual friends of ours have taken it upon themselves to speculate and accuse one or both of us of cheating, but they couldn’t be more wrong. Many mutual friends have taken sides and formed such diverse opinions, knowing nothing about the truth, that I have lost many of them.

Jon and I hope to raise our children as a team and have been working on building a friendship. We hope to be there for each other and bring up our children in a stable and happy environment. Jon has moved to another county and the children are living with me, with regular time with him on the agenda.

The house I live in, has been bought by developers who want to knock it down and build more houses. So just ten days before Christmas I was served with court papers for eviction. I have a potential house lined up, but it means moving away from the lovely little village we now call home. The new house also needs completely redecorating and needs carpeting throughout, the costs of which, seem impossible right now. On a more practical level, the thought of packing up an entire house, whilst my children are so naughty and whilst I’m suffering from poor health and a great deal of emotional stress (I’ll explain at in my next post), all by myself, is very difficult to cope with.

After Jon and I split up and we were sure that that our marriage had ended, I met someone and almost had a relationship with him. We were seeing each other for a few months but it never quite got as far as boyfriend/girlfriend mode.

If I’m completely honest, it feels like the world is crashing down on me. I’m weak and tired and just cannot stop crying.

To add insult to injury, my car died, so I have no way of getting anywhere. My mum is recovering from major surgery and I can’t even visit her. I also had to take temporary leave from my job, whilst I try to cope with everything that is happening. 

I’m trapped and alone and I can’t see the light.

  1. jo smith says:

    The light is there, once the clouds subside it will shine right through and you’ll wonder how you never realised this in the first place. I went through something similar although couldn’t bring myself to blog about it. Although cheating is not the issue for you – My husband actually did cheat on me – a full on affair. My life was over, or so I thought. Wow – fast forward 3 years and things have never been better in my life and I am so incredibly grateful (bizarrely, some may say) that I had to go through what I did just to see the sun again. It’s super duper hard to know that something’s there without sight nor sound, but as long as you hold that in the back of your mind in some teeny tiny spot, you will get through. Don’t be afraid to cry or scream – that helps too 🙂 feel free to email me if you need to offload somewhere less public. good luck sweety xx
    jo smith recently posted..The Winner of the Koalapak Jumbo Pak is…My Profile

  2. Helen Stratton says:

    What a heartbreaking update 🙁 I know everything seems so hard right now, but it will work out and things will get better. All the best to your family and all hopes for a much better new year for you x

  3. Tracy Nixon says:

    I am so sorry to hear of your sad times and my heart goes out to you. I really hope 2016 turns out to be a happier year for you – just be strong – for your little ones and you will find a way through.

  4. vikki says:

    My partner of 7 years (plus 4 years of dating previous to that) woke up in the morning, 9 days before our wedding and told me he didn’t love me anymore a few months ago. It’s been hard. The kids (age 6 and 3) have been through hell and are both seeing a support worker and school councilor (might be worth asking at your children’s school?) and I myself and going on the triple P course and a confidence building course in January. he’s started to have the kids now but they come back from their dad’s tired and fed up. It’s hard but we’ll all settle into our routine eventually. I’ve recently met somebody and although it’s early days we seem to get on well and it’s nice to have the adult company. Here if you need to talk xx (vikki louise sanderson on Facebook)

  5. Heather says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about everything that’s happened. Is the house owned or rented? Is the new house rented? If so, the carpets etc are the landlord’s responsibility. If not, mats and remant bargins are your friends. WRT packing, can you get movers in? Make life as easy as possible for yourself.

  6. esther james says:

    Hang on in there, You have dealt with so much in the last few years, its bound to have taken its toll. You are a good person and your light will return

  7. Sally says:

    It’s tough but you WILL get there and having been there, my best advice is to let yourself feel what you feel, mourn for what’s over and for the lost imagined future, but keep on keeping on – one step at a time you and you’ll be amazed where you are in one year, and two. Best wishes for ’16.
    Sally recently posted..Five Things I Won’t Do in 2016My Profile

  8. Tinuke says:

    Hang in there my love. This was me last January, about to move to a new county, with no car, no money and a lot of heartbreak. A year on, it’s a completely different story. Things can and WILL get better.
    I’m sorry you’re going through all of this at the same time. Hoping things get much better for you in 2016
    Tinuke recently posted..Some of my favourite photos from this yearMy Profile

  9. Rachel In Real Life says:

    Oh Emma, I’m so sorry. You’ve had such a shitty year and have had a lot to deal with all at once, it’s not a surprise that you don’t feel there is much light at the end of the tunnel. You are stronger than you think and I’m sure that you will get through all of this. I second the idea of asking Bunny’s school for some support or maybe seeking family therapy? It will take time for things to settle down and for the girls to adjust but with you and Jon sticking as a team I am sure they will. xxx
    Rachel In Real Life recently posted..Reflecting on 2015My Profile

  10. Charlotte says:

    I am sorry to hear you have been having such a rough time. I hope that in 2016 you look after yourself and that it is easier on you.

    Looking forward ro seeing you back to blogging x

    Charlotte recently posted..101 In 1001My Profile

  11. Elaine Livingstone says:

    The thing that shines through most to me here is the fact you and your ex are putting the children first and that you are sharing the care, a hard thing to do as I know how much I resented my ex when we split and found it hard to share with him.
    What a shame about losing your house and a hassle you could do without. Is there not funding or grants available to buy the essentials for your new house as you are not moving by choice.
    Maybe as well to find out early on that he did not think you were right for him before things got even more serious and you got more heart broken. ( yes I have read your other post)
    I would hate to be without my car so I sympathise on that one, especially when you have kids to see to and work to get too.
    Sending you a huge hug.

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