I’m currently 17 weeks pregnant, but this is the post I wrote when I was 11 weeks pregnant. I am no longer with (or in contact with) SD, but I wanted to share the whole of my pregnancy journey, so I have left it as written at the time and you can follow my story…
I’m 11 weeks pregnant now and having told her I’m pregnant, my mum came up on the train to see me. I got a bit of a shock when my dad showed up too. I wasn’t expecting that. My first thought was “oh no. It’s a collusion. It’s an intervention. They’ve come to dissuade me from keeping the baby or lecture me on how I’d been so stupid as to get pregnant on a first date”… But I was wrong. They were nothing but supportive. They gave me Christmas presents for me and the girls and we had lunch and a friendly chat. We even had a giggle about my dad’s latest car shenanigans and it was the first time I’d laughed in a couple of weeks. I got an hour of almost-happy. It felt good.
It’s been a bad bad week of not coping. Floods and floods of hormonal and heartbroken tears as I discovered that I was being used and despite doing many of the things that SD had blackmailed me into doing, he was not good for keeping his word. And any time I was out of sight of my children, all I did was sob.
I had one positive day, where I got offered a house to rent and when I looked around I was pleasantly surprised by how spacious it was. I took the twins to the local pub for lunch to celebrate. Celebrations were soon overshadowed by the arrival of court papers for posession of my current house. The dawning realisation that the new house needed fully carpeting and redecorating, on top of knowing I’d have to pack, move and unpack alone… Didn’t help.
Somehow I managed to keep my head above water and I truly appreciated the kindness of so many friends who took the time to message me words of support and remind me how strong I can be.