I’m now 19 weeks pregnant and this is the post I wrote when I was 15 weeks pregnant. Please note: Whilst SD and I are no longer in each other’s lives, he gave me permission to continue publishing these posts – to continue telling our story… the good, the bad and the ugly…
15 weeks pregnant… and I’ve hit rock bottom.
“SD has been acting strange and I was really worried that he might be seeing another girl. But when I found out who he’d been hanging out with, all my worries disappeared. It’s a girl from work who is always really nice to me and he has told me before that he and she would never be more than friends, because he sees her like a sister. And I trust him, so I’m not worried anymore”.
That was how this post started yesterday. But now… Now I know the truth about SD. I’ve seen his true colours and they aren’t pretty.
Over the last 24 hours it has emerged that that “sister” of his… He has been IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH since before he split up with me.
So all those weeks since we split up, where he’s been sleeping with me, cuddling me, kissing me and telling me we are going to get back together soon. All those week’s that he was controlling me and blackmailing me into sleeping with him and doing things for him. All that… Whilst he was with someone else. Someone we work with. Someone who is around ten years younger than me. All those weeks, every word he said to me… was a lie.
According to the girl in question, who shall remain nameless; they have been laying in bed together, laughing at my text messages and concocting replies to trick me into thinking he was still interested in me. Why? I have no clue. Apparently she has read every message that he and I have ever sent each other. There is no privacy. Nothing is sacred anymore. I feel violated.
It is beyond my comprehension why a person would do that or how a person can be so cruel to another. Why? Just why? If he didn’t want to be with me, he should have made a clean break, told me he liked someone else and never have strung me along with lies for weeks and weeks. As for her… Well if they are as loved up as she says they are… Why was she happy for him to continue sleeping with me, cuddling me and generally being intimate with me? And why would you deliberately pursue a guy who is having a baby with a girl you work with? Surely the decent and moral thing for her to have done, would have been to keep her distance?
It makes me wonder if there are any decent moral people left in the world?
THESE REVELATIONS have utterly floored me. There we were, getting close again, hope was rising, he was talking from a “when we get back together” perspective. Only days ago, he said he wants to go out to dinner with me lots more and go to hotels with me for all my blog review trips. He even asked if he could start contributing to my blog. Like a boyfriend would. Just days ago, he was talking about cuddling up on the sofa with me and spending some nights at mine. He made me a playlist. We were talking about needing to buy less for the baby when we are back together, instead of needing two of everything. Making decisions together. The excitement of us and the excitement of our baby was back.
…And now this. Completely unexpected!
SD was leading a double life all along.
To add insult to injury… When I found out, and he sat there watching me cry, with no reaction, he calmly said:
“Why don’t you give the baby to me, so I can bring it up with her?”
Which he followed with…
“Seeing as you have three children already”…
There are no words to respond to that. The pair of them must be delusional to even consider that as an option.
How do you even begin to deal with a betrayal like that?
I can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Can’t concentrate on anything. I feel like I can’t even breathe sometimes.
And when I feel the baby move, I cry even more. Because how am I supposed to tell him, that his daddy never even gave his mummy a chance. Never even bothered to get to know her. That his daddy was a liar and a cheat, who manipulated me for months, who blackmailed me, tricked me, used me and turned the two of us into a joke?!