I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant, but this is the post I wrote at 18 weeks pregnant… I’m still playing catch-up as I wanted to blog every part of my pregnancy story, from he very beginning. If you missed any weeks, tap the button that says “single pregnancy” on the menu above, to find all the other posts.
I’m now 18 weeks pregnant and at the time of writing this, I am just feeling grateful for a tiny amount of calm after all the chaos.
I have handed back the keys to my old house, which means no more all-nighter’s trying to pack stuff, move stuff, paint walls or clean. I am SO relieved that moving is over. I have a very VERY long way to go with the unpacking and redecorating of the new house, but my goodness, it’s nice not having to pay rent on two houses and panic about eviction. I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate moving house. In the last 14 years, I have moved house about 16 times.
Jonny (the girls’ dad) has been an absolute hero the past few weeks and has gone above and beyond to help me with the move. I hope he knows how grateful I am, as I simply could not have done it without him. He and I have built a very strong friendship since Christmas and we have become united in bringing up our girls. We are both very content with our current routine whereby he has the girls every weekend, so I can go to work and earn a living.
After a great deal of drama, where I almost lost my job (due to nasty gossip and lies which were spread about my by two particular people), I am beyond happy that those issues are resolved and I can look forward to working more hours between now and my maternity leave. I really do love my job.
Baby Bear’s sperm donor and I are no longer talking at all. We are simply not in contact, but have agreed to be civil at work if we are ever on the same shift. He has no interest in the baby. As far as I am aware, he is temporarily happy with his latest girlfriend and frankly, she is welcome to him. I would put money on it that he will be onto the next one before my next box of prenatal vitamins run out!
I went on a couple of dates recently, but realised that I’m just not interested in men anymore. I’m done. I’m over it. I don’t want anyone. I am secretly enjoying my evenings by myself. I have so much to keep me occupied that there is no room in my life for another person and no desire to add one. I’m putting my heart and soul into being a better mum, making this huge project of a house into a home, proving my worth at work, and falling madly in love with writing again.
I feel like I am finding myself again. I am learning to love myself again. At the end of each day, I can look back at everything I’ve achieved and know it was all me. Yes, there are days which are hard, days when the children misbehave and I have to count the pennies to see what we can afford to have for dinner. There are days when I can’t find any clothes that fit my expanding baby-bump and days where I berate myself for things which really aren’t my fault. Days where I spend too long dwelling on the past and get upset or compare myself to other people, when I know I shouldn’t. But do you know what? I’m doing it… I’m doing this single mother lark and damnit I am doing a bloody good job of it too!