I’ve started to become aware that as my pregnancy is drawing nearer the end, I am beginning to moan rather a lot, like a bitter old fogey about the aches and pains I am putting up with. I’m pretty sure my friends, family and hubby must be getting sick of hearing about the following:
* The groin pain due to my SPD. Shockingly, even when you’re pregnant, it’s still not socially acceptable to stop in the high street, put down your shopping and massage your pubic bone.
* My pelvis – again due to my SPD,
walking waddling is very painful, and makes me look as though I have followed through after a bout of flatulence!
* Indigestion and throat-burning reflux – Whilst I am not really a fan of aniseed, I have begun to form an addiction to Gaviscon *swigs from bottle* Lets face it… it’s the closest I’m going to get to Sambuca anytime soon.
* Going back to flatulence, Indigestion, rather disgustingly leads on to excessive wind at both ends. Although who would have known that releasing trapped wind could be so satisfying? My daughter and husband, like most men and children fond of toilet humour, find the very idea hilarious and as a result, this stinky habit is now becoming a competitive family sport!
* Morning sickness. For the 10 weeks I had this, I felt as though I were dying and narrowly avoided having to be put on a drip. I’m currently experiencing the annoying recent return of nausea, but can’t work out if it is down to my mild concussion from last weeks carpark antics, or my hormones.
* Skin stretching – I’ve now used 1.5 kilos of body butter and thinking perhaps I should be given shares in Sanctuary Spa.
* My sheer mammoth size, making everything uncomfortable and even maternity clothes feel tight. I have to be careful to make sure my tummy isnt hanging out the bottom of my t-shirt like a fat chav in a boob tube.
* Breathlessness… One trip up the stairs and I’m clutching the banister, panting like an obese gorilla.
Tiredness….or….Laziness? I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not even sure which it is!
Swelling of various different body parts – a rather grotesque thought really. I’m also feeling naked and sad without my wedding ring and engagement ring, but diamonds don’t look good on sausages.
Well the point of this blog post is…. I think, its time to start focussing on the good bits of pregnancy…
Starting with the obvious…
* My boobs! Hubby has gone from saying “Anything more than a handful is a waste” (pre-pregnancy), to “WOW” and a few comments I didn’t really understand about “Giant Wingnuts”?!
* My skin – I’ve been blessed with the beautiful pregnancy “glow”, but I undoubtedly will be visited by the zit fairy and faced with post-adolescent acne again before too long.
* Guaranteed to get a seat on the bus/train… Undo your coat so you belly looks even bigger, slowly waddle onto the bus, cling to the handrail looking pathetic and let out a big sigh – the people will scatter. Bunny likes to go upstairs on the double deckers but my SPD doesnt afford me that much flexibility, so if I’m not given a seat downstairs I just loudly exclaim “I’m sorry sweetheart but Mummy’s in too much pain to get upstairs”. Thats pretty much guaranteed to do the trick. But then if you’ve read my previous blog posts, you’ll know that my being given a seat, doesnt always mean i will safely land in it!
* 9 whole glorious months off work! enough said!
* Queue jumps for public toilets! Women queueing for public toilets always make a big scene when a pregnant woman lines up “Oh you’re pregnant, you’d better go to the front”. Whilst I admit I probably can’t hang on as long as I used to, and its really quite uncomfortable having two people sitting on your bladder, It’s almost as though women in the toilet queue are afraid you may pee on their feet.
I read somewhere that pregnant women are the only people allowed to pee in public places without getting accused of public indecency or indecent exposure as it can be harmful for the lady to hold on too long. I am still waiting for a shop/restaurant to refuse me access to their toilet so I can vengefully pee in their front doorway!
* Of course theres that all important knowledge that my uterus is growing and safeguarding two precious miracles. I sometimes forget that my tummy tenants will soon have to move out, for which I am totally unprepared, despite having done it before.