I’m now 19 weeks pregnant and this is the post I wrote when I was 15 weeks pregnant. Please note: Whilst SD and I are no longer in each other’s lives, he gave me permission to continue publishing these posts – to continue telling our story… the good, the bad and the ugly…
15 weeks pregnant… and I’ve hit rock bottom.
“SD has been acting strange and I was really worried that he might be seeing another girl. But when I found out who he’d been hanging out with, all my worries disappeared. It’s a girl from work who is always really nice to me and he has told me before that he and she would never be more than friends, because he sees her like a sister. And I trust him, so I’m not worried anymore”.
That was how this post started yesterday. But now… Now I know the truth about SD. I’ve seen his true colours and they aren’t pretty.
Over the last 24 hours it has emerged that that “sister” of his… He has been IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH since before he split up with me.
So all those weeks since we split up, where he’s been sleeping with me, cuddling me, kissing me and telling me we are going to get back together soon. All those week’s that he was controlling me and blackmailing me into sleeping with him and doing things for him. All that… Whilst he was with someone else. Someone we work with. Someone who is around ten years younger than me. All those weeks, every word he said to me… was a lie.
According to the girl in question, who shall remain nameless; they have been laying in bed together, laughing at my text messages and concocting replies to trick me into thinking he was still interested in me. Why? I have no clue. Apparently she has read every message that he and I have ever sent each other. There is no privacy. Nothing is sacred anymore. I feel violated.
It is beyond my comprehension why a person would do that or how a person can be so cruel to another. Why? Just why? If he didn’t want to be with me, he should have made a clean break, told me he liked someone else and never have strung me along with lies for weeks and weeks. As for her… Well if they are as loved up as she says they are… Why was she happy for him to continue sleeping with me, cuddling me and generally being intimate with me? And why would you deliberately pursue a guy who is having a baby with a girl you work with? Surely the decent and moral thing for her to have done, would have been to keep her distance?
It makes me wonder if there are any decent moral people left in the world?
THESE REVELATIONS have utterly floored me. There we were, getting close again, hope was rising, he was talking from a “when we get back together” perspective. Only days ago, he said he wants to go out to dinner with me lots more and go to hotels with me for all my blog review trips. He even asked if he could start contributing to my blog. Like a boyfriend would. Just days ago, he was talking about cuddling up on the sofa with me and spending some nights at mine. He made me a playlist. We were talking about needing to buy less for the baby when we are back together, instead of needing two of everything. Making decisions together. The excitement of us and the excitement of our baby was back.
…And now this. Completely unexpected!
SD was leading a double life all along.
To add insult to injury… When I found out, and he sat there watching me cry, with no reaction, he calmly said:
“Why don’t you give the baby to me, so I can bring it up with her?”
Which he followed with…
“Seeing as you have three children already”…
There are no words to respond to that. The pair of them must be delusional to even consider that as an option.
How do you even begin to deal with a betrayal like that?
I can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Can’t concentrate on anything. I feel like I can’t even breathe sometimes.
And when I feel the baby move, I cry even more. Because how am I supposed to tell him, that his daddy never even gave his mummy a chance. Never even bothered to get to know her. That his daddy was a liar and a cheat, who manipulated me for months, who blackmailed me, tricked me, used me and turned the two of us into a joke?!
This is so awful! I can’t believe either he or the girl could be so cruel and heartless, but at least you know now. Better to find out early on and make a clean break. He was clearly way too immature to be a father. When the baby is ready, tell him his father didn’t care enough, but his mummy has enough love for two parents and that’s all that matters.x
I think the words “cruel” and “heartless” really are defining words for both of them. And the things they have done since this too. Thank you for all the lovely comments you leave me. And you are very much right… I have enough love for two parents, to give to this baby boy. I will be both mummy and daddy. x
I’ve been reading your posts but never know whether to comment or not, or even what to say. Today I feel compelled to comment. I am 23 weeks pregnant myself and I confess I cried when I read this. I have been betrayed in the past and that seemed cruel enough. But the scale of this? Nowhere near. I cried for how i imagine you must have felt then. However, as I read what he did, my eyebrows shot up, my mouth dropped open and I am shocked to the core of his callousness. The whole thing is horrendous and I just wanted to let you know that there is someone out there (and no doubt will be even more) who is thinking of you and wanting to send you a hug.
You are a strong woman and you will get through this. Hugs, hugs and more hugs x
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I always welcome comments on my posts. It’s lovely when somebody takes the time to write a response, especially one as heartfelt as yours. I am sorry that my post made you cry too! I really cannot convey in words the heartache that I suffered between the day Josh and I ended and discovering the truth. I can’t put into words, what I want to. Like you say… the scale of it. The sheer magnitude of a betrayal this immense. The fact it was all planned, discussed and implemented deliberately, makes it harder to deal with. Obviously there are many more little details I know, that I can’t really put on here. Details which make the betrayal even worse, but I’d have to write an entire novel to explain it all and I don’t want to give the pair of them that much thought.
I am slowly and gradually getting stronger each day, although I’m not sure I will ever know how to trust again. It’s just me and my baby, and my girls now. Thank you for reading and commenting, it means a lot. I hope your own pregnancy is going well. x
I know it may not seem like it right now but you will trust again. I am happily married now and expecting our second. I never thought I would meet someone else, trust them, let alone marry again! We’ve been together 11 years so he must be doing something right. Lol Yes, I’m more cautious but it has made me stronger. I know I can survive without a man and you know you can too. Just look at your children. They are a credit to you and living proof of your strength.
I’m still shocked at what I read and will keep checking your blog to follow your journey with you. You need the support. When you are feeling low, just look at your children and see the credit to you that they are. 🙂
You have my email of you ever want to chat to an outsider privately. x
Firstly as a man I feel I need to apologise for him.
How did he think “taking the baby” would help you. You need to concentrate on you and the baby right now not him. I hope things get better for you.
How refreshing to have a man comment on one of my posts – I know there are quite a few men who read my posts, but very few ever take the time to comment. An apology is not something I am ever likely to get from him… at the moment he doesn’t even see that he has done wrong. Thank you very much for your kind and lovely comment, I really appreciate it. x
No problem, you’re very welcome.
Aww! Sending big hugs….This is just awful!
Him and her are just heartless and cruel! It really sounds like you are better off without him. xxx
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Thank you for your kind comment lovely. I think you are right. xx
Emma I am so sorry. I think this just shows how young and immature he is – and how he doesn’t even comprehend the responsibility of being a parent.
The other woman, in reality, wouldn’t have approved of him sleeping with you. I’m sure he told her that he wasn’t with you, that he just kept in touch with you for the sake of your child.
The things she’s told you since will be bravado, designed to cover up her hurt that he was sleeping with you at the same time. She’s obviously too stupid to dump him for cheating on her. She’ll be thinking she’s won him – but he’ll cheat on her again, no doubt.
He’s not the man you thought he was.
This is neither your fault nor your baby’s fault. I hope this new little life goes some way towards healing your pain.
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According to both of them, he told her everything. Every move he made, every time he kissed me… and so on. I guarantee that even if that is true, he will have toned it down to her. I doubt he’d have told her that all the first moves were always made by him. I doubt he’d have told her the full extent of the intimacy between us, whilst he was with her. He used to ask me to go and see him a lot. She claimed I “showed up all the time” and that he never asked me to. So I know for a fact that he has told her many many lies, even though she thinks she knows everything. I only stayed at his when I was invited. I never asked for the affection he gave me, but I accepted it when I felt he was being sincere. Every time I walked into view, his face would light up when he saw me… even when he was with her. Since he has been with her, he has become withdrawn, less of a joker and no longer seems his happy normal self. I doubt she would know that though. In all honesty I think they are both fooling themselves. But I will leave them to make their own mistakes. He will never win me back now.
Emma, he is incredibly selfish and heartless for doing this to you and your baby. You are strong enough to pick up the pieces and live a fulfilled life with your children and find love again.
Thank you Rennarto. I’ve found your kind comments and messages these past few weeks a great therapy. I hope you are right. It is not always easy to see your own strength. x
Thus is beyond disgusting and he is not a man!!! I am going through shit too so I get the carnt sleep and eat as that is how I feel and at the same time trying to cook, clean and look after your kids whilst the man can just be cold and emotionless and chill out at his mum’s. I don’t know what will happen to me as I don’t you but I’m always here for a “I hate men” chat if you need one.
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I’m sorry to hear you are going through a tough time too. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hope things get better for both of us and the offer is returned too… Facebook, Twitter, email… you know where to find me if you want a chat. Found a photo of us two at one of the London events when I was moving house! xx
Three months before my wedding I found out my fiancé was sleeping with a girl we both worked with. As a couple we were never right, but it wasn’t that he moved on that hurt me. It’s that he moved on while he was with me, and she pretty much moved in knowing the situation. It’s the betrayal.
Mine was obviously a much cleaner break because there wasn’t a baby, but it caused upheaval in every other part of my life. Dealing with a house we both had a mortgage on that he refused to pay for anymore. Having to figure out a new working situation because I couldn’t work with either of them in the capacity I had after that.
It’s so hard because you have to make these changes that have been forced upon you. But a year on from now when you start to heal and you’ve moved on you won’t care. You’ll see that it was the besting that happened to you. You were meant to have this baby, you just weren’t meant to be with a prick like him. Plus I always believe that what goes around comes around. Sit back, enjoy your baby and watch 😉
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I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that ordeal. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been, that close to your wedding. At least you found out before getting married I guess, but I doubt that is much comfort. I really don’t understand why people do that to each other. And yes, you are completely right… it is the betrayal that makes it so hard. I am starting to focus on all the things I hope to achieve between now and my baby’s birth and the things I also hope to accomplish before the end of the year. Things I wouldn’t have the time to do, if I were tied up in a relationship. That drive and ambition which is returning to me, is helping me to move on.
I will be 30 in 11 days… they say life begins at 30 right? It’s time to start making my own luck now and not seeking happiness through a relationship.
Wow, just wow. What vile human beings, they obviously have little more in common than a desire to hurt people, as is clear in the amount of time they put into this.
He probably couldn’t even look after himself, let alone a child.
You are doing an amazing job of raising your little ones, this baby will not even feel the abscence of his father because he will have such a wonderful family around him.
Good luck in the future x
Thank you for your lovely comment. I think you are right x
What an absolute self centred and selfish moron he sounds!!! And what a total heartless flake she sounds. They deserve one another. You, on the other hand, clearly deserve someone who isn’t a massive douche!! Be happy, look after yourself and your kiddies, live life for you and the children. He’ll just end up lonely, miserable, sad and pathetic by the sounds of his ridiculous behaviour. Karma will come back massively one day and well and truly bite his arse.
I love this comment. Thank you. Positivity in karma! 🙂 x
I can’t even fathom how you must be feeling. Some people are cruel and clearly devoid of any emotion.
Focus on you and your children. This low-life and desperate woman are not worth your time.
Thank you. They certainly aren’t. x
You are strong. You are brave. You are special. Your child is loved. Xxx
Thank you. He certainly is loved. All my children are loved to the moon and back. xx
Emma, these people deserve each either and you AND your baby deserve so much better. There are good, honest, kind people in the world. Please don’t lose heart. X
Thank you Suzanne. xx
What a complete and utter prick. I’m not making any apologies for swearing, I’m so angry that you have been treated like this. They deserve each other, both deceiving and heartless. Karma is a bitch and I hope they get a big dose coming their way.
Stay strong and continue to be the superwoman you are.
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Thanks for your lovely comment and do you know what… I didn’t even realise that “prick” was a swear word! 😀 x
I have no words for how he has behaved, nothing to say but to echo what everyone else has, you will do this you will be amazing xxx
Thank you. I don’t think there ARE any words for this! xx
Echoing what everyone else has said. Thoughts and prayers to you Emma x