I am currently 39 weeks pregnant, but this is the post I wrote at 24 weeks pregnant…

Bunny has been off school all week with Infectious Myositis according to her doctor. It began with a fever and her screaming in pain because her legs hurt. Then came the sore throat, blocked nose and cough. I felt awful leaving her with a friend whilst I went to work, but I was starting my new job, I couldn’t let them down on my first shift. Her dad wouldn’t come to see her or even call her. Not even when she needed to go to out of hours at the hospital.

I’m not going to go into all the nasty details, because despite how wrong he is, I was once married to that man and I still feel a ridiculous duty to protect him to a certain extent. But the girls dad no longer wants to see them at weekends and no longer wishes to retain the civil friendship we were building. This will undoubtedly cause issues for me at work, but more important than that, I’m devastated for my girls, as they worship the ground he walks on and they simply don’t understand why he’s not coming to spend time with them.

Since Bunny has been poorly, I have also been struck down with Infectious Myositis and my goodness… It’s horrible. I think despite all the tears, medicine and napping, Bunny was playing down how ill she was. The muscle pain and swelling in the legs is agonizing and leaves your legs so weak that you can’t stand up. The fever is relentless. The headache includes blurry vision and tingly fingers. My throat is full of pus and burst blood vessels. I can taste the blood. I can no longer talk at all, nothing comes out. I am having to write to Bunny to communicate. My nose is so blocked and my throat so swollen, that every few breaths I either choke on phlegm or vomit it up. I can’t get up or sleep or breathe or keep paracetamol down. I’m shivering until everything aches, whilst raging a 39 degree fever. Everything hurts. My eyelids and lips are swollen so bad that I look like Leslie Ash. I can’t eat because I can’t swallow.

Bunny started off in the worst phase and symptoms have very slowly eased but she’s still not better a week later. My symptoms have gotten progressively worse and I’m growing concerned about the impact of this illness on Baby Bear as I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant. I’ve had to miss work and have been told I should be in hospital on a drip but nobody will watch my girls and their dad simply doesn’t care. In my six months of being a single mum, I can honestly say there are only two scenarios where it’s been difficult… When I can’t find childcare for work, and when I’m this ill.

After writing this post, a doctor and a midwife both eventually came out to see me. They urged me that I should be in hospital, but there was nobody to have my girls, so I simply couldn’t go. I was given a prescription, which a lovely friend went out and collected for me. The following few days, friends rallied round and took the girls out and helped me out. I am hugely thankful to them for that. It took a good two weeks to recover from this illness. Eventually the girls dad agreed to have them once a fortnight, which is better than nothing, but they are really missing him in the weeks between.

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