At the time of publishing this, I am 39 weeks pregnant, but this is the post I wrote at 25 weeks pregnant. This update was not really about my pregnancy or the baby, because this week was all about Bunny and nobody else.
My oldest daughter Bunny is 8, going on 14. There are times when it’s difficult to rein in the wannabe-teenage-attitude. Times when she’s quite unpleasant towards me and her little sisters. But then there are other times, when she absolutely astounds me with her sensitivity and maturity. Today was a day, when she left me bursting with motherly pride.
The past few months have been difficult. She’s dealt with her mum and dad breaking up, moving house, finding out she has to move schools again, finding out she is going to have a baby brother, her daddy disappearing from her life for several weeks (she’s still hoping he will appear again one day) and then falling extremely poorly with Infectious Myositis, which wiped her out for the most part of two weeks. Then mummy got Infectious Myositis too… And a bacterial respiratory infection on top, which ground life to a halt. Bunny hadn’t seen Mummy THIS poorly before. Mummy wasn’t this poorly when she had Cancer.
We looked after each other. We had to work together as a team to get through each day. Friends had to come by and help. Doctors came out. Midwives came out.
With Bunny’s illness, followed by my illness and an overlap in the middle, the last two weeks have been long and tough to say the least. I’ve finally got the right medication, but I’m still very weak and poorly. So it broke my heart to tell Bunny that I’m just not well enough for us to go on our planned Easter holiday to Woolacombe Bay in Devon. I was expecting shouting, stomping, crying, nasty words and that “teenage” attitude, now that she’s better. I was expecting begging and tantrums and threats. But my darling girl surprised me as ever.
She gave me a great big cuddle and said, “It’s okay mummy. It’s a shame we can’t go, because I was really looking forward to it, but it’s okay. I know you’re poorly and I want you to get better. Let’s cuddle up and watch the Lego movie.”
My heart swelled with pride. My eyes welled up with tears. My beautiful intelligent girl, had accepted, just-like-that, that the holiday she’d been looking forward to, had been cancelled. She didn’t argue, she didn’t complain, she didn’t cry. She just wanted to cuddle me better. And I was completely overwhelmed.
The twins had been at nursery all day, so they were sound asleep in bed by 6pm. Bunny and I made a superfood smoothie together, to try and give our immune systems a kick up the backside. We snuggled up and watched the Lego Movie just like she suggested.
And now she’s in bed asleep.
And I’m packing.
Her very acceptance that our holiday was cancelled, was my inspiration to make sure it happened. These girls NEED this trip. They need a Happy Easter. I need this trip too. I’m a firm believer that healing the heart and mind, can contribute dramatically to healing the body. The sea air, the smiles, the change of scenery and pace… We need it all. It’s time to create some new memories as our little unit of four, without it seeming like somebody is missing.
So I’m packing up my antibiotics and warm clothes. I’m packing up their party dresses and swimsuits. I’m packing colouring books, a picnic and some Easter Eggs, and first thing tomorrow, we are taking advantage of those first class train tickets. We are going to take the journey slow and steady and stop and rest when we need to. It’s our holiday and there’s no hurry. And this time tomorrow evening, we’ll be sound asleep in a luxury lodge near the sea.