For readers who missed the announcement, I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant, but I wrote blog posts throughout my pregnancy – these are being published now – to share my story. This is the post I wrote when I was 5 weeks pregnant…
The news hasn’t really sunk in yet. Neither myself nor SD know quite what to do or what to think. He talks about outfits he wants to buy the baby, potential names or things that he wants to do with his “kid” when it’s older. He doesn’t seem to have much idea of the practical side of having a baby. I’m worried it’s just a novelty for him.
He’s gone all protective of me, making sure I don’t drink alcohol or eat anything I shouldn’t. This is definitely bringing us closer. We talk constantly and seem to be seeing each other more than once a day now. At least a drink after work every day whilst we talk over our options. He turned 21 last week and I was chuffed to be introduced to his friends on his birthday night out. That’s a big step right? That means he really really likes me. He even hinted around the L word, saying that he wanted to say it, but he thought it was too early. It’s definitely too early, I don’t have feelings anywhere near that level yet.
I’m worried he’s fickle. He invited me to come to dinner with his parents and then uninvited me a few days later. Maybe he doesn’t think I’m “meet the parents” material?
We are both talking about wanting to keep the baby. The A-word hasn’t come up yet and I’m glad about that, because I don’t think I could do it. The problem is though, it might not be our choice.
People who have been reading my blog a long time, may remember when I wrote a post about not being able to have any more children – because it would be too dangerous. I have an increased risk of the fatal pregnancy complication known as HELLP Syndrome. Most people who survive HELLP Syndrome are told not to conceive again, or just don’t conceive again, out of fear. Obviously, this pregnancy wasn’t planned, but I want to know exactly what the risks are. I need to speak with a consultant.
I absolutely CANNOT risk leaving my three incredible girls alone in the world without their mummy. If my risks of HELLP Syndrome are high, then I quite simply cannot keep this baby. My girls come first and my own feelings come second to that, ALWAYS.