Counting Sheep

As I sit here at my dining table, at 2:48 am sobbing into a tray of fresh pineapple, I feel I need saving from myself. All I want to do is pick up the phone, ring triage and beg. I want to beg and beg and beg for them to induce me early because I am so uncomfortable. I’m not going to go into depth on all the issues I’m dealing with coz I think I have moaned more than enough in the last two weeks to last me a lifetime! I woke up 115 minutes ago and the chorus of this song is playing repeatedly in my sorry head…

Yes I posted the terribly awful Cameron Diaz version of the song for a reason… The pain in her voice is exactly how I’m hearing it in my head!

So what can I do to distract myself…. For 6 whole days and nights until I’m induced? When every minute feels like an hour? Feel free to make some suggestions!

I went to the cinema today and watched American Pie The Reunion. And whilst it was great to have 2 hours of giggles instead of niggles, I’m not sure I can afford that everyday! Especially not after that giant £8 hot dog (which I’m sure was HIGHLY nutritional!!!)

I can’t sleep but I’m not a particular fan of being awake right now either! I’ve never fully understood the methods of counting sheep, but perhaps counting other things may work? I could set myself little landmarks to reach…

Midwife is coming… in 1 day and 8 hours… ISH

My final growth scan… is in 3 days  7 hours 59 minutes and 48 seconds!

I am being induced… in 6 days 8 hours 56 minutes and 22 seconds!
… Actually I’ve not been given an exact time yet but I’m banking on midday for counting purposes!

The mathematics amongst you will probably have worked out it took me 3 minutes and 26 seconds to work that last one out! Well boo to you coz actually my phone did it for me – I was taking a pineapple break! (See… I’m snappy and I don’t even have anyone to snap at right now!)

I am so desperate to get labour underway that I am even considering sex with hubby! (Poor man!) When you are this size… thats no easy feat! Perhaps I should google ‘sex positions for the morbidly obese’? or ‘how to have sex from afar’?  Hmmm… think I’ll buy some of that raspberry leaf tea stuff first! Although I really don’t see how a food item can induce labour? Feel free to explain if you know the answer to that!

I’ve now eaten so much pineapple I feel like I have a combination of fur and ulcers on my tongue!

I bet you readers are praying for me to go into labour so you don’t have to read anymore sucky ranty moany posts from me and instead can get broody and cutesy over my baby photos? My advice if you are broody? DONT DO IT… PREGNANCY IS HORRIBLE!

I wonder which will come first…. Admission to the Delivery Suite or Admission to the nearest psychological institution???

xxx          😀        :’-(
(smiley translation….Grinning like a maniac, Crying like a baby!)

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