I’d like to thank you, for being an avid reader of my blog and helping to raise my viewing stats on a daily basis.
I’d also like to thank you for the time and effort it takes you, to write your bitter, resentful and quite frankly clueless comments on every post I publish. They give me something silly to giggle about with my friends every week.
I don’t wish to sound condescending, but as you openly offer me so much advice on blogging and parenting, I thought you might appreciate some advice too.
I think perhaps you could be a little more creative with the anonymous names and email addresses you use. I’m afraid they aren’t likely to win you any stalker awards for originality. And perhaps you might like to log in with a different IP address occasionally? Just for a change. But seeing as you didn’t… I now have a pretty good idea of who you are, based on your location. I must say… I’m quite surprised!
You may also like to work on your grammar, particularly on the days where you choose to critique mine. Just so I might take you a little more seriously… But no… Wait… Why would I do that?
For the record, I’m a writer, not an editor, so the occasional grammar mistake, really is no biggie.
Perhaps, as you have so much opinion to share with the world, you might be better off putting your name to it. That way, your friends can congratulate you on all those pearls of wisdom you come up with, each and every time I publish a post.
You must be a better person than I, because you devote so much time to reading and commenting on my blog, yet I only spend 3 seconds hitting the delete button each day.
It’s quite flattering to have a troll, especially one so passionate about my writing as you. Your enthusiasm astounds me.
It must be wonderful having so much spare time too. I personally am too busy being a fantastic mum to my amazing children and a good wife to my loving husband, to find the time to judge and critique other people so intently, the way that you do.
I hope you won’t be too disappointed, that I don’t take any of your parenting advice on board. It’s just because it seems to reek a little too much, of bullshit. And also because, my children are incredibly happy, well-rounded and intelligent individuals and we have managed to bring them up without your help thus far.
I’m concerned also that you may be slightly lacking in the humour department, as you never seem to understand my jokes. There are people out there who can help you with your jealousy and your anger too. I’d recommend you Google the relevant helplines.
I just want to give you a great big squidgy hug and tell you everything is going to be okay!
Thanks again for reading. You really are my number one fan.