A letter to my unborn son

I wrote this letter to my unborn son, just after finding out for definite, that my baby is a boy (a few days ago). If you missed my little girls giving the secret away in my Gender Reveal video, please do go and check it out.

Dear Baby Bear,

I knew, from very early on in my pregnancy, that you were going to be a boy. I felt different from 6 weeks. This pregnancy feels different. With your sisters, the sickness came from nowhere. I’d be fine one minute and have my head down the toilet the next. With you, I had constant nausea in the first trimester, but I wasn’t sick once. Thank you for that, because I truly hate being sick! With your sisters, I craved strawberry milkshake and anything and everything sweet. With you, I’ve ditched the cake and chocolate, for whole blocks of cheese, meat, anything salty or spicy and I’ve become accustomed to adding Marmite to EVERYTHING. With you, I started showing earlier and I felt you move so very early, at just 12 weeks. By 16 weeks I looked forward to going to bed every night, because without fail, every time I pull that duvet over me, you do somersaults and I feel you.

It was a gut instinct. I knew you were a boy. I mostly only looked at boys names. Although I did decide that if you were a girl, I was going to name you “Kerry”, after my best friend in the whole world… you will love her. I can’t wait for you to meet her. But my Baby Bear, I was right. I knew you were a boy and having it confirmed was overwhelming. I’m completely skint at the moment, but I’ve already been out and bought you a whole array of outfits from Next, because I just couldn’t help myself. It’s so strange buying blue, after 9 years of buying pink!

But here is where it gets serious. Here is what I really want to say to you Baby Bear. From my heart to yours, whilst you are laying beneath my heart and you are a part of me…

There is a very big chance, that I’m all you’ve got, because I don’t think your biological daddy is going to be a part of your life. I don’t know how to raise a boy. This is a whole new world for me. An exciting yet scary challenge. You are going to spend your formative years surrounded by a sea of pink toys, makeup and hair, and queueing for the bathroom. You will hear all the banter about boys, once your sisters start taking a shine to them (hopefully not for a good few years yet though) and you will grow up in a female dominant household.

But Baby Bear you will be loved equally to those beautiful sisters of yours. I don’t care that you weren’t planned or that your daddy is not around. You are my wonderful, unscheduled surprise. The miracle fourth baby that I didn’t think I could safely have.

I might not be that clued up on boys toys, boys books, or even particularly masterful enough to change your nappy fast enough that you don’t pee in my face, but I will do my very best by you. I will make sure you never want for anything. You will be well fed, cuddled constantly, have a good routine and just the right amount of discipline. I will bring you up, to be the best you can be.

I want you to learn how to respect people, how to be a true gentleman and how to treat others (both boys and girls). How to stand by your morals, be loyal, trustworthy and true to yourself. I would hope that bringing you up in this way, will mean you would never treat a girl, the way that your father treated me. I will raise you to be confident, believe in yourself and follow your ambitions. I might cock up, I might get things wrong, but I will always be there for you and always try my best.

We are on a learning journey, you and me, but there will be smiles and laughter and so much love.

Keep warm and cosy in there Baby Bear, until you are big enough and strong enough to enter the world, so that we may meet each other. For now, I love that you are a part of me and both our hearts beat in one body.

Lots of love,

Mummy