MAD Blog Nerves

Today, is the MAD Blog Awards. You know… those awards I cheekily asked for a few votes in, many months ago!

I am hugely excited, because…
a) I get to stay in a nice hotel
b) There will be dinner!
c) I get to dress up pretty in a posh frock
d) I get to see so many bloggers I love chatting to
e) I’ve been told it’s a fantastic night
f) I feel proud and honoured that I am a finalist. I might not win, but hey – I’ve got a 1 in 5 chance right?

At the same time, I’m feeling a little nervous. I’m not sure why.

But most of all, I have a big lump in my throat, because I will be away from my babies.

I’m a finalist in the Best Baby Blog category, and my babies (including the 6 year old) are my whole world. I live and breathe for them. I am fighting Cancer, for them. I want to start my own business and be successful – for them. If I could, I’d spend every waking minute, of every day with them. And I hate being apart from them. Soppy I know!

Bunny has spent nights away from me before, with her Granny or another member of the family, but I always miss her like crazy.

The twins though… the only time I have ever spent nights away from them, is when I’ve been in hospital, having surgery or having radiotherapy. Those times, have been so hard.

Every night since the twins and I were discharged from that maternity unit, I have fallen asleep listening to the ticking of their baby monitors. The ticking, tells me they are okay and I sleep happy, knowing they are safe.

I love the greetings and the big smiles I get first thing in the morning when I walk in their room. I love hearing their chatter and laughter over the baby monitor if they wake before me. The practising of “Mumma” and “Dadda” (and I’m pretty sure Fluffy once said “Teddy” too).

When I’m hospital, I miss that so much. It sounds insane, but if I’m hooked up to a machine that bleeps or ticks (or someone near me is), I sleep better.

During the day when I’m away from my girls, I sit there longing to cuddle them, kiss their chubby cheeks, play with their tiny toes, see their adorable smiles. When I can’t be near them, I miss them so much.

So tonight… will be the first time ever, that I have spent a night away from my babies, voluntarily. I’m worried that I’ll worry. Worried I’ll get upset. Worry that Jonny won’t cope with all three!

So when I miss them, I’m going to look at these pics…