I have so many wonderful things in my life to be thankful for.
My three beautiful daughters, my loving husband and my incredible friends. A home (albeit only rented) and a town that I love to live in, a job I enjoy and a blog I'm proud of (although I've let it slip the last few weeks, because I've been so busy!). I have my health back and I'm building fitness for my #EmmasArmy against Cancer campaign. I have activities planned, holidays to look forward to and ambitions I look forward to fulfilling.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I still feel blighted by sadness. Perhaps it's the depression from November time still lingering in the air. Perhaps it's the lack of sunshine and the fact I've not been abroad since 2011, making me feel pale and withered. I'm normally a happy, confident person, but lately I'm consumed by self loathing and that sinking feeling that I'll never achieve my goals. Perhaps it's still part of my recovery - I was told that it would take me a good year (post-cancer) to build up my strength and be back to my old self. It could be any number of things, but the point is, I just feel... down and I feel guilty for feeling like this all the time, when I have so much to be thankful for.
So... as sometimes happens when my emotions are lining the floor... here's an original piece of poetry, written by me, today, about how I'm feeling.
Stuck in nothing
Stuck in a rut
A warm comfy rut
full of questions
I just can't seem to shift the glumIt's not a deep rut
Nor a dark one
Full of doubt
I just can't seem to roll outPerhaps no rut at all
Not visible to the eye
Full of fear
I just can't seem to find the sunStuck in a... nothing
Moving forwards
Full of happiness
I just can't seem to stop the tearsStuck in depression
Despite many blessings
Full of anxiety
I just can't seem to appreciateStuck in a lonely mind
A loving home
Full of self loathing
I just can't seem to shift the glum© Emma Day 20/03/2014
First published on www.crazywithtwins.com
I know it's Thursday... but this is my #WednesdayWords post and linky... because I don't really know where Wednesday went.
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It’s so hard when you feel low and there is little to nothing you can do about it. In your head you know you have SO much to be grateful for, SO many blessings but it is hard to see past the fog, the black cloud.
Another lovely original piece Emma and I hope you come through it very soon. Xxx
Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. You HAVE got a lot to be thankful for, but you’ve had a tough year and it will take some time to get over that properly. Give me a shout if you want to catch up. x
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