You may or may not have noticed, I’ve gone quiet about my Cancer since meeting my Oncologist for the first time, just over a week ago. Well that is because I found out my radiotherapy will be much more difficult than I first thought.
The tumour found in the left side of my thyroid measured 6cm across and the Cancer went right the way to the edges. It is beleived I have been carrying this malignant Cancer for several years and there is a chance it may have reached the blood vessels and left some Cancer cells behind after my surgery.
This means I must have a particularly high dose of internal radiotherapy. Double the normal dose for my type of Cancer.
This means approximately 5 days in an isolation unit, where I am not allowed visitors, and anything I take into hospital must be thrown away. Anything I touch after swallowing the radioactive iodine, will become contaminated by my sweat, and become radioactive. I will be scanned numerous times by a geiger counter, until I am safe to be discharged from hospital.
That’s when the worst bit comes…
For somewhere between 10 – 16 days, I will not be allowed within 1-2 (preferably 3) metres of my husband or Bunny (or any other human being). So no touching, no hugs, no kisses. This is because my body will still be radioactive and pose a danger to the health of anyone who comes close to me. My radiologist said I will be “like an Xray machine we cannot turn off”. …
But the worst part…
I cannot go within 1-2 metres of the twins for somewhere between 21-28 days. That’s on top of my 5 days in isolation.
So I can’t hold or kiss or feed of comfort my own babies for around a month.
I am heartbroken.
I am distraught.
I have spent many days crying as I was not prepared for this and I don’t know how to deal with it. Bunny and I are seeing a Cancer psychologist, but I’m not sure how much he can help me with not being able to kiss my children. I live and breathe my children. They are my entire world.
That is heartbreaking. How can you be expected to be in the same home as your lived ones and not go near them? I never knew radiotherapy can be so harsh. It will all be worth it though once it’s over. My heart goes out to you. Xxxxxxx
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Mummy Glitzer says
Oh sweetheart. I don’t know what to say, I really don’t. xx
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Sarah MumofThree World says
This is so heartbreaking. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better, so I will just say I’m thinking of you. If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. X
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I always say the wrong thing so please forgive me if I offend – my mother died after fighting cancer when I was 20 and I’m 35 next month. I’d give anything to even be able to phone her and tell her I love her. What I’m trying to say is that it may seem hard right now, but the difference that treatment will make to your life to enable so many more kisses and hugs will out weigh that short time without.
You are a very strong woman and you can do this.
If there’s anything I can do then just shout xx
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Ramblings Of A Suburban Mummy says
Wow, that’s a major blow. I can’t begin to understand how dreadful that will be. But it’s for all the right reasons even though that won’t make it any easier.
Thinking of you and your family and wishing the time away for you so you can cuddle them again xx
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I can’t imagine how you must be feeling at the thought of this. I have no useful words but wanted to send a virtual hug x
Galina V says
Oh darling, that’s totally heartbreaking. It will be tough for you all. I don’t know what to say really except that my heart goes to you. Hugs
I’m so sad for you Emma. There’s no doubt about it, this is going to be beyond tough but I know you’ll do it, you are so strong. Be brave and I’ll be praying for you x x
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Oh gosh, just wanted to send you some hugs as that is going to be difficult for you all x
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This breaks my heart to read, I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through, on top of everything else you can’t be close to the people you need to be closest to, I hope and pray you have all the support you need.
Red Rose Mummy says
I’m so sorry Emma. I wish there was something I could say to help. It will be awful but the end result will be worth it. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do at all xxx
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emmys mummy says
Oh hunny. My heart goes out to you yet I dont know whatro say 🙁 I cant even begin to imagine how that must feel.
Send love and hugs
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Claire Toplis says
Awwh my lovely xxhugs xx
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Oh my. I had no idea you would have to go through all of this. I so sorry. It will be so hard but it must be necessary, keep that in your mind. Wishing you lots of love and strength.
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My friend is currently undergoing very similar treatment to you and it is truly heartbreaking to watch her suffer not being able to kiss her boys goodnight. I know it’s easy for me to say but you’re doing a very brave thing and there’s light at the end of the tunnel as you secure your families future. Thinking of you xx
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God that sounds so hard. I have no words to comment really as have never experienced anything close to what u r going through. I hope blogging about it helps you and that you know how amazing you are xxx
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Jacinta Zechariah says
I met you only for a few brief moments last Thursday but after reading your story, you have my complete admiration. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. Hugs xx
But I must say that you being such a strong person and having gone through so much will meet this head on too and come out even stronger. Any help…please let me know.
Tina summers says
*hugs* It must be an incredibly hard thing to have to face and I would feel the same as you. I really would. The treatment is going to get you better:)) and you have to try and think of the long run ;)) xx
Horrendous, but you will get through it and your twins and older daughter will understand eventually, in their own way. Good luck – I’m thinking of you. Lots of love xxx
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Oh Hun that will be hard. I remember when my dads boss had radiotherapy and he was told similar although it was mainly to stay away from pregnant women and children. You will get out the other side because you have a reason too, the kids. X
Amy Ransom says
I don’t know what to say. Only that you are so brave and you write about something so painful so beautifully. I joke about my children all the time and how I can’t wait for bedtime. You’ve just made me appreciate why I shouldn’t. Thinking of you and will be following your progress. You are amazing for sharing this and all us mothers are with you x
Chelsea Williams says
That is simply awful, I really could not begin to imagine. I really hope that time passes quickly. Sending all my love xxx
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Cried when i read this. So sorry for you and your family. Can’t imagine what it will be like for you all but just keep focusing on when you can kiss and cuddle them all again. X
I can’t say anything that will make things better – I wish I could . I can only imagine how awful it will be. But you are strong, you can do it and you will be able to hug your twins again. My hopes and prayers go to you at this difficult time x
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sammie Hodges says
This is heartbreaking. I can not begin to imagine how you are feeling. I suppose the only thing you can do is keep thing of the positive of the treatment… You will be able to give your children years of hugs when its all over. Big hugs xxxxxx
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I am so sorry to read this. I cannot imagine how hard and horrible this is for you I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you xx
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Faded Seaside Mama says
My heart is breaking for you just reading this. You are being subjected to some truly hideous experiences but as all your readers know, you will get through and come out the other side, stronger and brighter for it. The first hug will be more precious than anything in the world and is worth hanging on for. I wish the time away for you and hope that writing can bring you comfort in the dark days ahead.
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Becky Cowley says
I read your post last night & have not been able to stop thinking about you & your family and the heartbreaking situation you are in. I can’t really find the right words to offer any comfort, I don’t really think anything I can say with help. I just wanted you to know that I had been and will continue to hold you in my thoughts and hope you find some comfort in positive messages xx
Oh lovely! I am so sorry to read this. I am thinking of you and sending you as many good vibes as I can muster together! You can do this 🙂 xx
Helen Braid says
So sorry Emma. This must be heartbreaking. My father was seriously ill with cancer from when I was 6. He received huge doses of radiotherapy and was also in insolation. It broke his heart being away from us but it saved his life and he turned 60 last year. Will be thinking of you and how difficult a journey you are on. Much love, Helen xx
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The Brick Castle says
It is just heartbreaking, I know I’ve mentioned before about my step-daughters and their Mother, but they were both over 10, they were big girls in comparison. They were not infants and their 3 weeks went past really quickly.
Use webcams and baby monitors, be a part of what’s going on. Talk to them through glass – although you won’t be able to touch them, you will be able to be incredibly close to them.
Does it make sense to wear your favourite perfume every day or save clothes (cardi’s, jumpers) that you’ve worn to put with your children so that they can always smell you (and vice versa with your children’s clothes?)
I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling, I really can’t. But you aren’t going through this for the next month, you’re going through it for the sake of the next 40 or 50 years and everything that entails, and we’ll all be expecting some absolutely fabulous posts while you wait it out seeing as you’ll have so much time on your hands! xxxx
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The Brick Castle says
*Things you’ve worn now, before the treatment, not things from later – I didn’t make that clear and I know you’ll understand but I don’t want to look a complete div…. 🙂
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Anne Wallwin says
how awful. just concentrate on the bigger picture and the time will fly by.
Reading this made me so sad, you have an incredibly hard task infront of you, but you have a goal and thats the most important thing of all: a life with your lovely family – and what are these 4 weeks compared to the decades to come, seeing your children grow up, grwoing old with your husband, hugging grandchildren one day. Its hard now but it seems a little price to pay for the years that will be given to you. I feel for you and wish you lots of luck and strength xx
Verily Victoria Vocalises says
It is hard to put into words how I feel for you Emma, I feel so awful BUT as you know, the wheels are in motion with me and Phil and some others behind the scene to help you through this very difficult time. I will draft a post this afternoon with regards to what we have spoken about and will get it over to you for your review. You are a true inspiration to so many people. We will all be here to support you and hold your virtual hand through what is going to be a very difficult time. Thinking of you xxx
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Sending you a huge hug. The thought of that must be so incredibly hard…. But one day they will understand. I love the suggestions of the prevoius poster, some great ideas there. Wishing you strength… Emma xx
Tedi Williams-Posladek says
So incredibly unfair Emma and my heart goes out to you and your family dear. Why don’t you find the sweetest, softest, most cuddly doll and send them “mummy” kisses and cuddles thru it virtually all the time with the help of people around you. Maybe writes little daily love notes (sweet little nothing things your might say) for all the children in advance so they can be read to them by others…or you can read them from a safe distance. It will keep you busy preparing maybe. It’s such a difficult situation, I have no idea how to console you as I’ve never had to walk in your shoes. Be brave, there is no way but forward and through it so find courage you didn’t know you possessed and gather strength from the love around you and conquer the beast. Thoughts and prayers with you.
Jen aka The Mad House says
My heart goes out to you as you know it does. Is it possible to0 be ion another place, so they can not see you. They will not understand and it is going to be hard, but this is all so they can have you around for much longer.
You can do this.
You are fab
Alex @Medicatedfollow says
My goodness.. I’d be feeling heartbroken too 🙁 I’m not really sure what to say but I can understand why you’re feeling this way xxx
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I am so sorry to read this and completely understand your distress but this has to be done, you must focus on the longer picture and hopefully that time will pass in the blink of an eye.
Sending you my biggest hugs
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Lesley Beeton says
Just wanted to say that when we work with iodine radio-isotopes in the lab (I-125) we take iodine tablets to pre-saturate and prevent take up of the radioactive iodine.
This might be an option for your husband? Perhaps worth asking the question? I don’t think it’s suitable for your little ones 🙁
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Emma Day says
No that’s not really an option. I’ll be on a very high dose and it’s not I-125 either. I’m not willing to put my hubs at risk. x
kath knitty mummy says
How awful, as if cancer isn’t bad enough, you then have your support network pulled out from under you when you need it most. Stay strong. It will be an awful month, but remember a month is very short in return for the time this treatment is giving you with your loved ones
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I can feel your heart breaking with every word. Stay strong, you’ve already come so far, you can do this. It’s a short time to be apart from your babies considering it could give you a lifetime with them when it’s over. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way xx
Charly Dove says
I’m so sorry Emma, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. This will be really tough so if I can help in any way at all, please let me know xxx
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Mum of One says
Oh Emma, I am so sorry. I really do not know what to say and cannot imagine what you are going through. Try and stay strong lovely. Will be thinking and praying for you x
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No wonder you feel distraught. It all sounds so worrying and stressful for you and your family. I’m sure your little ones will be surrounded by lots of love from the rest of your family whilst you are unable to cuddle them. Get better very soon and let’s hope time flies by xx
Just catching up with your ordeal now. I am so so sorry to hear this. That is just unbearable. I will be thinking of you. xxx
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Oh honey my heart truly goes out to you. I am lost for words that sounds so horrendous for you all. Sending you lots of love and positive healing thoughts xxx
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Katie @mummydaddyme says
I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that Is going to be for you. I can’t even physically imagine it. But you are going to get better from it so you can kiss them and hug them for years to come. I just wanted to leave a comment to say how brave I think you are. X
Eleanor Mum/Me says
What a horrific idea – I’m so so sorry that you are going to have to go through that. I hope this is all behind you very soon. This too will pass. xxxx
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Sarah & Stuart says
This is the first I (Stuart) have heard of your story, such terrible news you’ve received. I have never been away from my kids for more than two nights, that was difficult enough. Wishing you the best of luck with your fight, and it’s clear to see so many people are praying for your recovery for the sake of you and your family.
Sorry I’m late to comment but all my thoughts are with you I can only imagine how unbearable this is going to be for you. Xx
Mum in a Hurry (@mum_in_a_hurry) says
Oh hun. that is so sad. I can completely understand why you are gutted but as everyone said above its all for the right reasons and you will be able to spend the rest of your life making it up to them! Its hard though as I can imagine now is the time that you feel you need their hugs (and they yours) more than ever. If I can do anything say the word! x
Capture by Lucy says
Emma, I don’t know how anyone is meant to cope with this, keep writing, we are all here xx
i really feel for you and your family, i will be thinking of you..sending you big hugs xx
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Elaine Livingstone says
sadly the twins will not understand this, I hope you have lots of loving help at home to get you through this very tough time. huge hugs to you
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You are an amazing inspiring and beautiful woman. This must be an unimaginably hard time for you, keep your pecker up. You are a wonderful Mum and wife and you have so many future memories to look forward to with your precious family….. X