A common discussion amongst twin mums, is about those people who pity you for having twins. Every twin mum I know, myself included, has had complete strangers walk up to them and say, “You have twins?… Rather you than me!”. Or perhaps “Oh I feel sorry for you for having twins”. One lady once said to me “Twins… oh poor you… how unfortunate!”.
Yes… I kid you not… people have the audacity to come out and say that to mums of twins… ALL THE TIME.
I don’t think I’m alone in saying it angers me a great deal. You see, I had dreamt of having twins since I was a little girl. All my life I wanted twins. And I struck lucky. I won the egg lottery. I was blessed, and I mean BLESSED, with twins.
In all honesty, the people that I pity, are those who think that twins are a curse. All mums remember that OVERWHELMING love you feel when you hold your baby for the first time. How that immense love comes from nowhere but is all encompassing and lifelong. With twins, that feeling is doubled. There are two beautiful children to love and cuddle and kiss. Two to learn and grow and one day tell you that they love you. Two cheeky faces and glowing personalities to raise. Two times everything.
I’m not going to pretend that it’s as easy as having one at a time. It’s not! There were many times I looked at mums of one baby and wondered what on earth they do with their free hand? I have a single baby now and still wonder what to do with my free hand. One baby after twins is SO EASY. I’m also not going to pretend that there are never times when they are both naughty. There are. Raising twins is time consuming, noisy and on occasions difficult, but it’s also so rewarding and so worthwhile.
With twins, you don’t just have that bond with your babies, they have this deeply profound bond with each other and I can’t put into words, how much of a privilege it is to watch that bond grow as they grow.
They hold hands all the time…
They laugh together…
They play together…
They learn together…
They experience the world together…
How can anyone say that being a part of that isn’t a blessing? It’s incredible. Of course, I love all four of my children equally and abundantly. I love them to the moon and back, but being a mum to twins is different and special and most definitely not a misfortune of any kind.
And what gives people the right to say something so nasty anyway? It’s no different to walking up to someone who has just given birth to a beautiful baby and saying “oh… shame he/she wasn’t the other gender”. Mum’s have busy lives, we have a lot to contend with. Luckily I’m very easy going and don’t tend to let things get to me but motherhood can be stressful at times and new mums in particular don’t want to hear things like that. We all have bad days when a comment like that makes us want to punch you in the face. We don’t of course, because we are setting good examples to our children. I’ve not yet planned my reaction if anyone asks me that when the twins are old enough to understand the meaning behind it. What happened to… if you can’t be nice, don’t say anything at all?
When strangers say “rather you than me”, I want to reply, “Yes, I’d rather it were me that has the honour of raising these two intelligent, beautiful, affectionate little girls too, because with your judgemental attitude, you don’t deserve twins!”. In truth, I usually stay quiet and just feel sad for them, because they don’t know the love that I know…
Sarah MumofThree World says
What a lovely post and lovely photos. People can be so rude!
If it’s any consolation, people have said that about having two boys too. Goodness knows what they would have said if I’d gone on to have a third boy. Would you believe my own MIL wasn’t going to buy my younger son a present when he was born because he could use all my eldest’s stuff? She even said ‘If he’d been a girl I’d have really gone to town!’. That was the one time in my life I stood up to her and I told her he needed a coat (as he was an autumn baby and eldest was summer, there were no coats to inherit!). I must have been stern because she bought him a coat!
Sarah MumofThree World recently posted..Rome fails
Emma Day says
Good for you on standing up to your MIL. I’d say that’s unbelievable but I think MIL’s have a tendancy for doing and saying shocking things!
melanie stirling says
I think you are so lucky! I would have loved having twins but I didn’t.My nan was a twin but no one in the family has had twins since.It always amazes me what complete strangers say to you and think it’s ok.Beautiful photos by the way!
People say all stupid kinds of stuff don’t they. I fear I come over the opposite because I absolutely adore twins (I blame my cousins who were younger than me) and always wanted mine. I wasn’t blessed but know plenty of sets around 🙂
And haha little Monkeys I was sure they were at school but they told me on Sunday that they weren’t yet!
Pinkoddy recently posted..Child Safety and the Internet